Memorial Day Memories

 Memorial Day was always a bit traumatic for our little family.  Mom found us jobs boxing peonies, (I think we may have been paid in flowers).  We would drive to the cemetery, backseat and trunk full of peonies, and spend the day cleaning each departed loved one's tombstone with a trowel, a cloth, and a bucket full of Mama's tears.

All I could do was pull weeds faster and scrub harder, anything to stop reading the names of our beloved fathers, mothers, and friends.  I've always hated Memorial Day because it made my mother cry. 

Remember me, while I live, shed no tears for my passing, and laugh as much as you can at the thought of me. 

Don't waste a minute crying over what might of been, the time we didn't have, or the promises we couldn't keep even to ourselves.  Live for the day, breathe deeply, laugh often, and, if you listen closely you may hear an echo of laughter coming back at you.  

God does have  a sense of humor.  It's his sense of justice I occasionally question.  I am ready for judgement day, my rebuttal memorized and rehearsed.  I plan to give him hell.

Grandma warned him that I'm coming, and, that I expect answers.

That one time

 It's been awhile since we've met here, but this morning the wind is cold, and yesterday, I lost my phone.  

Suddenly,  I have no access to anything.  I realize that over the years I have forgotten my now needed passwords for long unused accounts, and the overly used accounts that replaced them, all stored on my phone, with which I have previously taken such great care.  

Until yesterday, when I left it on the roof of my car (I thought I tossed on the seat of course)

BECAUSE,  I didn't want static electricity blowing up the pumps.  

I AM officially old. 

The bigger they are

In loving memory of another gentle giant 

Doug was bouncing at the Pilot House on a typical Alaskan summer night.  The sky not quite midnight blue, music bouncing off the harbor, people dancing and laughing, no worries that dawn would bring another day of hard work and fish.  

One particular couple (if you were there you will know) dancing, (the wife), and drinking, (hubby dear).  The husband had imbibed enough and was ready to leave, but his beautiful wife, the Kahuna Queen, was dancing, intent on keeping Madam Pele sated and content. 

Hubby walks up to Doug and asks him to bring wifey to the cab.  Doug, walks over, tells her politely that her cab has arrived 3 times and finally decides to pick her up, throw her over his massive shoulder, and head to the parking lot.  

The Kahuna Queen begged for her release screaming,  "It's only DANCING~!"  Determined to continue her ritual and dance until dawn.

Poor Doug, mellow and Nordic, had no idea what was about to be released on him as the normally mellow Kahuna Queen started to burn, and Madam Pele raised her hot self, determined to be released, grabbed his gonads and dropped that tall Nordic God with one small hand full and returned to dancing.

That was the last time Doug tried to help a husband get his wife in the cab.

One More Down

Rain falling softly
breaking the quiet darkness
with tomorrow's promise.

December 2015

May the season bring you great cheer and joyful memories uniting you with those you have and those you have lost.
Thank you to all who stay in touch, celebrate our differences, and accept our quirks, it is appreciated and remembered with bittersweet tears that fuel the flame to light the way when the world seems cold and dark.

Break dance

Naked moonlight dance
Garden stirring starlit steps
Dawn blush mourning breaks.

April Morning

Hard rain sweeping in

One last bitter winter breath 

Ice coffee, no cream 

Tour de lisalil

After 22 years I was finally back in New Orleans, and, visiting my best friend, and teen travel partner.

I had decided to try an airline that uses open seating for the first time, and nearly missed the plane despite arriving 2 hours early and sitting right next to the departure gate. The airline was running 2 hours late, they told me the plane was delayed, and wouldn't be leaving until 4:20, but of course, something changed and it arrived on time and I missed the call, but was lucky enough to ask...  I was the last one on the plane, but because I was alone I ended up sitting in the front (3rd row aisle... perfect).

I rarely check my bag, but once again changing my normal patterns I did because I didn't want to schlep it around.   I was off the plane early, and hit the baggage claim. It wasn't too long before I saw my bag and felt pretty good about how it was all coming together so easily. We drove out to Donovan and Mimi's new home. I opened up my suitcase to get the gifts I had bought and found out... I HAD THE WRONG BAG!!  Luckily Dono found some id with a phone number I recognized as East Bay (510!!), and we called the owner who had not yet noticed, because, SHE was in BATON ROUGE, (about an hour away, and had only just arrived for a family reunion,  (she was from Oakland).  We jumped in the car and headed off, arrived at our destination, and when we pulled up I saw the girl I had ridden next to from SFO in a car in the parking lot. I was really surprised so I knocked on her window thinking that she was the person that had my suitcase, and scared the living bediddle out of her (a caterer who was ROCKING the catering world. She had just spent two weeks doing NY, Oakland, and Vegas, and was in Baton Rouge for a family reunion too!).  Anyway, they thought Dono was a cop (he was wearing a fireman tshirt from his hall and it had a badge on it..),and they were smoking some stanky bud .... it was hilarious.  After they got over the fright of thinking Dono was a cop, and they might be headed to a Southern jail we all had a great laugh ... they WERE stoned!  However, she did NOT have my suitcase it was just a weird thing that she was in the parking lot.... the girl that did have it, met us, and we exchanged bags, a few laughs and addresses.  She had not even opened my bag. 

Saturday we strolled the Quarter, traded memories, and that night we had an incredible meal at Donovan's friend Issac Toups new bistro Toup's Meatery.  

Sunday, the 15th we headed to the cruise ship and boarded without incident. While waiting for the luggage I fell asleep & Lil went to find the rest of the family and check out their rooms.  I woke to the PA and went out on the balcony to view the river. While standing there I saw a dead body floating, of course no one else in our party had seen it, and after the luggage incident  everyone was convinced I had lost, or was quickly losing, my mind! 

In Freeport we joined a big group and headed to the beach for swimming fun and drinking games in the saltiest water I have ever encountered.  I became aware of this as a young man on a surf board paddled by and casually asked if we were from the cruise ship, and, had anyone seen a body in the river just before we departed, because he had.... I nearly drowned trying to say I did!  The disbelief was still apparent in my friend's faces and (maybe a bit of concern that what was wrong with my brain might be contagious).  Mimi made a big deal about me being a singer and,  encouraged, I sang 3 songs to the ever increasing approval of a drunk and salty crowd.  

We became quite popular on the ship as the laughing lady and the martini lady... the lisalil had landed. 

Returning to NOLA at dawn I watched as the city lit the way along the curves of the Mississippi.  We googled the news for the 15th of June, 2014 and there had indeed been the body of a young man that had jumped from the Cresent City Bridge pulled from the river. 

Animal Instincts

Salty streaming streaks 

Blood, sweat and tears attract more

hungry predators.

Perspective

As a little girl I grew up in a tiny farming community, 2 bars, 5 churches, a grocery store, more cattle than people, bad reception on the 2 channels we felt lucky to get, and unpaved streets.  We learned to entertain ourselves, or clean, Grandma liked things tidy, so it should come as no surprise that I found myself in the back of my closet

I spent hours there, my secret room, I'd never read CS Lewis, we were fed a heavy dose of Psalms and the new testament, often quoted carefully verbatim by memory from my sainted Grandmother.  Quiet, cool, safe from all my handlers, I entertained myself for hours in my secret fortress, occasionally coming out long enough to draw on the walls tormented scenes of cemetaries that my mother treated as art leaving it there years after I had left.  Many a great adventure happened there, the world never knew how many times I saved it, because according to Grandma a good deed should never be discussed it should be carried out.  Indeed, we should beware of anyone who felt the need to declare who they were. 

School started, and I made a friend that lived nearby.  I invited her over, excited to share my secret fortress.  I guided her into the house, steering her carefully into my secret room, excited that she would find it as entertaining as I had.  She saw was the back of a closet.

Years later, I bought a home in Alaska, built a lovely deck around it and began encouraging the birds and squirrels to entertain me with seeds and kernels.  Excited, I pointed out to my friend how many things were enjoying the fruits of my bounty from the yard and on the deck.  He saw was the bird poop.

The moral to this story:   Share your secrets at your own risk. 

Good Friday (the Reality of Id)

Your over active mind can't take the time
to separate fact from fiction.
You use diction to blur,
the slur of your imagination.
God didn't mean for creation
to be tearing itself apart,
broken hearts, minds, and lives in pieces.
All is lost, nothing found
when we refuse to recognize
our reflection in the mirror and fear to see the bigotry
in our preconceived ideas of reality.

Is it Hell or is it Heaven?
when the self righteous finds himself
soul to soul
christian, buddhist, muslim, pagan, non believer,
and all God faces laughing
echoing through the ages
Sages stare in wonder
as his voice thunders,

"Did no man understand?
Judge not!  Judge not!
Have Faith!
No man shall know the time,
the place, the very face of God
All is mine and made in my image
the human race of God
The faith of God
The joke of God
Can you hear the laughter?"

Ever after, laughter,
ever after....

Amen

The things you'd rather not discuss but should

Well, how do you start something like this but to say I am a hypocrite.  After years of pontificating on the dangers of drinking and driving I was charged and convicted of a DUI.  I am sharing this information NOT because I am proud of what has happened at the most stressful point of my life, but so that if it happens to you you will be AWARE.

First and for most KNOW that if you have been drinking that IF you are charged with a BAC, (blood alcohol content), of .08 or more that you will most likely be charged with a DUI, (Driving Under the Influence).  There is NO negotiation on a first time DUI offense in California, so save yourself the $2500 (or more) charge of hiring a lawyer and plan on attending all your court appearances on time and expecting to stay most of the day.  If you are lucky enough that YOUR time is more than the expense of the lawyer make your own choice.

Note that at some point you will have to appear in front of the judge and be sentenced.

Here are my notes from the experience:

1. You have ten days to apply to the DMV for the right to obtain a restricted license during your   education process if you fail to apply for this privilege you will be denied the right to drive for a minimum of 4 months.    EVEN with this privilege  you will be denied the right to drive for a minimum of 30 days. 
2. If you fail to appear at any of your mandated court appearances you will have a warrant issued for your arrest
3. You will have to attend traffic school and it will cost you in time and money in accordance to your BAC.  
4. Embrace the experience of traffic school.  You have to go, you have no choice,  IT IS A PROCESS and your restricted license only lasts so long.  Most of the things you'll learn won't kill you to know and may enlighten even the most cosmopolitan types.  KNOW that any missed activities will add to your cost.  Just go, get it done, and don't let it happen again because the cost and the hours increase significantly.  There were plenty of folk that did not get the point the first time and were in class as repeat offenders.  It appeared to me that the longer you went the more bitter you became. 

Rumi

“Sit, be still, and listen, because you're drunk
and we're at the edge of the roof.” ― Rumi

Strands

The soul of my father compels me
to wander forgotten streets,
enchanted castles, to live within myself.

My shell reveals my mother
Who taught me to smile
At passing strangers, to open my heart.

The laughter is my own.

Haiku for baby brothers

Once upon a time
You followed me, everywhere.
Now, I'll follow you.