December 2015

May the season bring you great cheer and joyful memories uniting you with those you have and those you have lost.
Thank you to all who stay in touch, celebrate our differences, and accept our quirks, it is appreciated and remembered with bittersweet tears that fuel the flame to light the way when the world seems cold and dark.

Break dance

Naked moonlight dance
Garden stirring starlit steps
Dawn blush mourning breaks.

April Morning

Hard rain sweeping in

One last bitter winter breath 

Ice coffee, no cream 

Tour de lisalil

After 22 years I was finally back in New Orleans, and, visiting my best friend, and teen travel partner.

I had decided to try an airline that uses open seating for the first time, and nearly missed the plane despite arriving 2 hours early and sitting right next to the departure gate. The airline was running 2 hours late, they told me the plane was delayed, and wouldn't be leaving until 4:20, but of course, something changed and it arrived on time and I missed the call, but was lucky enough to ask...  I was the last one on the plane, but because I was alone I ended up sitting in the front (3rd row aisle... perfect).

I rarely check my bag, but once again changing my normal patterns I did because I didn't want to schlep it around.   I was off the plane early, and hit the baggage claim. It wasn't too long before I saw my bag and felt pretty good about how it was all coming together so easily. We drove out to Donovan and Mimi's new home. I opened up my suitcase to get the gifts I had bought and found out... I HAD THE WRONG BAG!!  Luckily Dono found some id with a phone number I recognized as East Bay (510!!), and we called the owner who had not yet noticed, because, SHE was in BATON ROUGE, (about an hour away, and had only just arrived for a family reunion,  (she was from Oakland).  We jumped in the car and headed off, arrived at our destination, and when we pulled up I saw the girl I had ridden next to from SFO in a car in the parking lot. I was really surprised so I knocked on her window thinking that she was the person that had my suitcase, and scared the living bediddle out of her (a caterer who was ROCKING the catering world. She had just spent two weeks doing NY, Oakland, and Vegas, and was in Baton Rouge for a family reunion too!).  Anyway, they thought Dono was a cop (he was wearing a fireman tshirt from his hall and it had a badge on it..),and they were smoking some stanky bud .... it was hilarious.  After they got over the fright of thinking Dono was a cop, and they might be headed to a Southern jail we all had a great laugh ... they WERE stoned!  However, she did NOT have my suitcase it was just a weird thing that she was in the parking lot.... the girl that did have it, met us, and we exchanged bags, a few laughs and addresses.  She had not even opened my bag. 

Saturday we strolled the Quarter, traded memories, and that night we had an incredible meal at Donovan's friend Issac Toups new bistro Toup's Meatery.  

Sunday, the 15th we headed to the cruise ship and boarded without incident. While waiting for the luggage I fell asleep & Lil went to find the rest of the family and check out their rooms.  I woke to the PA and went out on the balcony to view the river. While standing there I saw a dead body floating, of course no one else in our party had seen it, and after the luggage incident  everyone was convinced I had lost, or was quickly losing, my mind! 

In Freeport we joined a big group and headed to the beach for swimming fun and drinking games in the saltiest water I have ever encountered.  I became aware of this as a young man on a surf board paddled by and casually asked if we were from the cruise ship, and, had anyone seen a body in the river just before we departed, because he had.... I nearly drowned trying to say I did!  The disbelief was still apparent in my friend's faces and (maybe a bit of concern that what was wrong with my brain might be contagious).  Mimi made a big deal about me being a singer and,  encouraged, I sang 3 songs to the ever increasing approval of a drunk and salty crowd.  

We became quite popular on the ship as the laughing lady and the martini lady... the lisalil had landed. 

Returning to NOLA at dawn I watched as the city lit the way along the curves of the Mississippi.  We googled the news for the 15th of June, 2014 and there had indeed been the body of a young man that had jumped from the Cresent City Bridge pulled from the river. 

Animal Instincts

Salty streaming streaks 

Blood, sweat and tears attract more

hungry predators.

Perspective

As a little girl I grew up in a tiny farming community, 2 bars, 5 churches, a grocery store, more cattle than people, bad reception on the 2 channels we felt lucky to get, and unpaved streets.  We learned to entertain ourselves, or clean, Grandma liked things tidy, so it should come as no surprise that I found myself in the back of my closet

I spent hours there, my secret room, I'd never read CS Lewis, we were fed a heavy dose of Psalms and the new testament, often quoted carefully verbatim by memory from my sainted Grandmother.  Quiet, cool, safe from all my handlers, I entertained myself for hours in my secret fortress, occasionally coming out long enough to draw on the walls tormented scenes of cemetaries that my mother treated as art leaving it there years after I had left.  Many a great adventure happened there, the world never knew how many times I saved it, because according to Grandma a good deed should never be discussed it should be carried out.  Indeed, we should beware of anyone who felt the need to declare who they were. 

School started, and I made a friend that lived nearby.  I invited her over, excited to share my secret fortress.  I guided her into the house, steering her carefully into my secret room, excited that she would find it as entertaining as I had.  She saw was the back of a closet.

Years later, I bought a home in Alaska, built a lovely deck around it and began encouraging the birds and squirrels to entertain me with seeds and kernels.  Excited, I pointed out to my friend how many things were enjoying the fruits of my bounty from the yard and on the deck.  He saw was the bird poop.

The moral to this story:   Share your secrets at your own risk. 

Good Friday (the Reality of Id)

Your over active mind can't take the time
to separate fact from fiction.
You use diction to blur,
the slur of your imagination.
God didn't mean for creation
to be tearing itself apart,
broken hearts, minds, and lives in pieces.
All is lost, nothing found
when we refuse to recognize
our reflection in the mirror and fear to see the bigotry
in our preconceived ideas of reality.

Is it Hell or is it Heaven?
when the self righteous finds himself
soul to soul
christian, buddhist, muslim, pagan, non believer,
and all God faces laughing
echoing through the ages
Sages stare in wonder
as his voice thunders,

"Did no man understand?
Judge not!  Judge not!
Have Faith!
No man shall know the time,
the place, the very face of God
All is mine and made in my image
the human race of God
The faith of God
The joke of God
Can you hear the laughter?"

Ever after, laughter,
ever after....

Amen

The things you'd rather not discuss but should

Well, how do you start something like this but to say I am a hypocrite.  After years of pontificating on the dangers of drinking and driving I was charged and convicted of a DUI.  I am sharing this information NOT because I am proud of what has happened at the most stressful point of my life, but so that if it happens to you you will be AWARE.

First and for most KNOW that if you have been drinking that IF you are charged with a BAC, (blood alcohol content), of .08 or more that you will most likely be charged with a DUI, (Driving Under the Influence).  There is NO negotiation on a first time DUI offense in California, so save yourself the $2500 (or more) charge of hiring a lawyer and plan on attending all your court appearances on time and expecting to stay most of the day.  If you are lucky enough that YOUR time is more than the expense of the lawyer make your own choice.

Note that at some point you will have to appear in front of the judge and be sentenced.

Here are my notes from the experience:

1. You have ten days to apply to the DMV for the right to obtain a restricted license during your   education process if you fail to apply for this privilege you will be denied the right to drive for a minimum of 4 months.    EVEN with this privilege  you will be denied the right to drive for a minimum of 30 days. 
2. If you fail to appear at any of your mandated court appearances you will have a warrant issued for your arrest
3. You will have to attend traffic school and it will cost you in time and money in accordance to your BAC.  
4. Embrace the experience of traffic school.  You have to go, you have no choice,  IT IS A PROCESS and your restricted license only lasts so long.  Most of the things you'll learn won't kill you to know and may enlighten even the most cosmopolitan types.  KNOW that any missed activities will add to your cost.  Just go, get it done, and don't let it happen again because the cost and the hours increase significantly.  There were plenty of folk that did not get the point the first time and were in class as repeat offenders.  It appeared to me that the longer you went the more bitter you became. 

Rumi

“Sit, be still, and listen, because you're drunk
and we're at the edge of the roof.” ― Rumi

Strands

The soul of my father compels me
to wander forgotten streets,
enchanted castles, to live within myself.

My shell reveals my mother
Who taught me to smile
At passing strangers, to open my heart.

The laughter is my own.

Haiku for baby brothers

Once upon a time
You followed me, everywhere.
Now, I'll follow you.

Brother Ray

I'm sitting with my younger brother as he makes his journey from this world into the next. I watch as his friends stop by and view what remains of my 6'7" mountain man. My "little" brother who towered over me by nearly a foot and a half, ravaged by cancer, flesh hanging from his once robust frame. Strong and powerful he once hung a boyfriend upside down by his ankles off a two story balcony over the Rogue River in order to explain to him that he didn't like the way the boyfriend was talking to his sister. Traumatic for the boyfriend, and stupid if he had dropped him; it might have been manslaughter, but one of those things that can make a sister feel a bit warm and fuzzy (at least after I broke up with the boyfriend). He was always doing over the top things in order to make his point, so prone to unbelievable tall tales that it was occasionally hard to believe him, but even I was surprised by the story his friend Peter shared with me.

Peter, sat down quietly by me and watched as Ray labored to breathe. He told me about a fly fishing trip they took together with friends on one of local rivers. The current was swift, so they would cast up stream and allow their lines to drift with the current past them and start the process again.
A stranger, from a neighboring town, joined them and proceeded to cast straight out crossing three lines, creating havoc with their technique. tangling lines and stealing the tranquility of the day. My brother, Ray, his friend Peter, and the rest of the fishing expedition tried to explain to the stranger about the current, and how he should cast upstream and allow his line to drift past them, so that he would quit crossing the other lines, tangling them, and ruining the experience for everyone. Fishing, Peter explained, is meant to be fun and relaxing. Peter relaxed, smiling as he described the events, they had just wanted the stranger to listen, but he continued to cast straight out from the bank creating a tangled mess of line for no apparent reason other than he did not want to be told how to cast. Quietly, according to Peter, my brother pulled his line, set his pole, slowly walked up the bank to his truck, and started to rummage around. His friends continued to try to fish and paid little attention to what he was doing until a gun shot echoed over their head's and the stranger's bobbin exploded in tiny pieces; shot out of the water by my brother standing on the upper bank.

The startled stranger grabbed his pole, what was left of his fishing tackle, and quickly departed as my brother quietly strolled back to the bank picked up his pole, and cast his line upstream to gently bob past him on the current while his friends sat stunned. Finally, Peter exclaimed, "I can't believe you did that".
My brother's reply was, " I came to fish and relax and I got tired of talking about it. Now, let's fish."

Morning Haiku

Familiar comfort
dark, soft, worn around the edges,
warm, morning memories

Change

This morning I am reminded that any club that has to vote to let me in I will continue to avoid. I hate that kind of thing for some reason. Clicks should belong to my fingers tapping on the keys, woodpeckers on poles, maybe even a bit of percussion, but should not be for human socializing. People tend to change in big groups, and as long as the finger isn't pointed at them they don't mind pointing at you. The thought has crossed my mind that this could be a past life memory or maybe stamped in my DNA from ancestors who were persecuted from using their intelligence to stand up to the masses.
I was a Bluebird once for three days before I quit to ride my horse, Taffy Dawn, alone. I didn't hate the people there, or gluing popsicle sticks together into squares and rectangles. I just loved my horse more and she was waiting, and I was impatient, and the day had begun. Maybe I just knew I would never have enough of those days. . . .
I do love people, but for some reason large groups of anything I like better from a stage with a 10' elevation. Especially, if they are looking at me. It's even better if the lights are so bright I can't see them and I can shake, spin, sing, and laugh madly while I lift myself, (and anyone willing to travel), out of the fog.
Still, even at this age, I find myself terrified in large groups as I ready my weapon of choice. Machine gun laughter, quick, resonant, and piercing enough to be heard across a football field. Amazed and embarassed that I can still scare all but the very hardy with but one quick burst I use it to fend off those who would get too close without invitation, or a brave heart. ~;)
Some things change very little.

Spring Haiku

New buds, butterflies,
and birds follow warm wild wind
I rise to greet them